Wilderness Amenities –
​How to Pee like a Pro in the Great Outdoors

When traversing the wild places one eventually hears the Call of Nature. ​
​There may be no porcelain amenities or chemical potty boxes where we are going. Out in the meadow, up on the hill and down by the shore there is only rocks, trees, wide-open spaces, and the proverbial bush.

​​In case you are new to spending your days in nature,
here are a few tips on for taking a light-footed path
to peeing al fresco.

First and last, no matter where or how you go, please, please do not spoil our common spaces with dirty toilet paper traces. Leave those places unscathed.

​A toilet is not a trash bin, so pitch in. No one wants to be reminded that you peed behind the big tree or left something at the romantic over-look. Piles of unsanitary discard is rude and ruins more than the mood. It gives humans a bad name.
 
Maybe you’re already a pro at “splitting the trail” as the mountaineers say. If you have practice,  a penis, or one of those handy travel-funnels for women, you can remain standing for the operation. Almost any outcropping or leafy backdrop can provide enough cover for your relief. It’s easy to discreetly sneak a pee almost anywhere when you can do it standing up.
 
Experienced squatters have their own set of camouflage skills in the wild and semi-wild areas of the world. Squatters can arrange their skirts and gear in a way that a quick pee appears to be nothing more than someone stopping to get something from their pack. One of the most important things to remember as a squatter is that water always runs downhill.
 
The best no-waste method us the Water-Wipe. This paperless method leaves you and the bushes clean and refreshed. To understand the water-wipe process, think of your water bottle as a personal hand-held Bidet {Bidet is French for “rinse, don’t wipe” (not really)}.
 
Find a spot to cop a squat or what not. Place feet and gear out of the splash zone. Get out your water bottle and perhaps something to dry with such as a bandana or an actual towel if that’s your style (tissue and a tiny trash bag will do). Depending on the situation you may need nothing more than water.
 
After a squat, give your booty a couple of good bounces. The downward motion of the bounce takes advantage of gravity, as opposed to the side-to-side booty-shake more favored for the upright whiz. 
 
Rinse off and dry. Air dry, or freshen up with your travel towel/bandana/napkin. Fold the moist side inward when done for casual convenience. Paper napkins and used disposable tissue goes back in your pack. Repeat: re-stow and pack-out your dirty disposable trash. If all else fails and you’re back to using the trusty leaf, remember – think like a cat and cover your tracks.
 
For more information and insight with more complicated wilderness endeavors, take a look at “How To Shit In The Woods - An Environmentally Sound Approach” by author Kathleen Meyer.
 
Mutual respect is key to becoming a favored guest of the Fairy Realm. Our events are intended to bring humans and Nature into a more harmonic relationship. Please don’t blow it by leaving a big ol’ wad of toilet paper as your calling card; It makes the natives restless.

Peeing is part of the natural water cycle. Let’s keep it that way. Your light-footed ways are appreciated.  

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